It's been my long held view the best way for gay acceptance to become reality is not to legislate, but rather to "breed our way into it" by having families, living regular type lives in suburbia, and ending various stereotypical show-off lifestyles and behavior. If every gay guy was the parent of two or three children we'd quickly be mainstream.
I already have three sons and am seriously considering another child later this year; putting my 'lance of love' to good use once again. Been meaning for ages to write a post about this topic as it's an important subject, but also because a surprising number of guys are unaware of what this actually is. I am going to 'paraphrase' a bit here but you should get the general idea.
Surrogacy is a straightforward undertaking -
1. You find a surrogate mother happy to carry the baby (actually quite easy to do)
2. You find an egg donor (also easy to do)
3. You go to a clinic where you masturbate into a cup, your sperm fertilizes the egg, it is then implanted into the surrogate mother (at which point she is pregnant)
4. Nine months later you become a parent
There are numerous websites which have women advertising to be surrogate mothers so finding one is unlikely to be much of a problem; with regards to an egg donor most fertility clinics either have a 'stock' of eggs or a list of donors they can call on so this is also not a problem.
The two other aspects of the surrogacy/parenting process are legal and financial, and I will deal first of all with legal.
The best State for surrogacy laws is Arkansas where the relevant statute is crystal clear: 'you', the man, are the sole legal parent of the child; cut and dried. It is a simple process to engage an Attorney in Arkansas who is experienced in surrogacy matters to draft an agreement (which is mostly commonsense) where both parties (ie you and the surrogate mother) agree to be bound by Arkansas surrogacy laws.
Although there is no 'requirement' for the baby to be born in Arkansas for the agreement to be valid, you may want to ensure the birth does occur there to avoid any loose ends. When the baby is born you are the sole legal parent; your spouse can also be named as the baby's parent (after applying to the Court which is a formality).
Now to the financial part -
1. Budget $5000 for legal fees, locating a surrogate mother, medical testing, insurances (it is customary to take out a life insurance policy in case you die before the baby is born), any travel, and other peripheral expenses.
2. The fee for the egg donor can vary but budget $10,000 (it will probably be less if you make a fuss)
3. The fertilization process costs $12,000
4. Optional Extras $5000 (see below where I explain what this is in more detail)
5. The surrogate mother fee is open to negotiation but $30,000 ($25,000 plus $5000 for her expenses), paid monthly, is a fair price
So all up let's say $65,000 after making provision for any cost overruns.
Some points to consider -
1. Avoid like the bubonic plague these Surrogacy Agencies; they will charge you $20,000 to ask inane questions to a prospective surrogate mother and try and bamboozle you as to how difficult and emotional the process is, and how long it takes - it's all a scam to justify their fee.
2. If you are incapable of looking some gal up and down, deciding if she's suitable (and not some moronic "Trixie" or "Kimberley" airhead), and asking pertinent questions of the "Do you smoke or drink or take narcotics?" variety, then I have a bridge in London to sell you.
3. It is most important the surrogate mother has given birth before and without any problems (it may surprise you to learn the internet is awash with women who already have a child or two, and are offering to be surrogate mothers); never, however tempting, enter into a surrogacy with a woman who has not given birth.
4. Many clinics have a database of egg donors where you can select a donor meeting various requirements (e.g caucasian, blond, blue eyes) but where their actual identity remains secret; the best option. You really don't want to know who the egg donor is so please make no attempt to find out.
The final point I wish to cover is the "Optional Extras"; many guys are astounded to learn such things exist. For an extra $5000 or so the fertility clinic will do two things as part of the egg fertilization process -
1. Check for genetic defects (e.g cystic fibrosis) and remove them.
2. Gender selection. Yes, you can choose the gender of the baby; 'yes', really; 'yes' I am serious. You can choose to have sons and the Doctor will do (whatever he does) which ensures you have sons.
So I hope this gives you a bit more insight into the process for becoming a parent as a gay guy; if you can beg, borrow, or steal the money I urge you to take advantage of this wonderful modern invention of fertility clinics because you will never regret being a parent.
You will also gain enormous respect from family, str8 friends, neighbors, and others if you do become a parent - makes you seem 'adult' and stable. As I always like to say - one child gains you more respect than 1000 laws which browbeat homophobes into submission (if you know what I mean?).